in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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