put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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