Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
