I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
