Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
