i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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