a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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