Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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