She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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