i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
