foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
