Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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