was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
