oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
