Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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