It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
