it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I had to cum in my sink.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
