Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
