you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can you bring me the toilet please
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
