I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
