I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
