nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
