Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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