id be glad to
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
