My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
