Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
