Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
