Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
