I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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