i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
