Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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