My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
