this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
