I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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