Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
