you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
