this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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