I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
