The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i need some magic done to my vagina
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
