a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
