But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
