called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
