I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
