No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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