if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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