I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
