Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
