Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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