I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
