is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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