i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I could fuck to npr.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
