she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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