Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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