someone threw a dead crab at me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
His nipple licking is glorious
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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